hevensentgee

im listening to linkin park my december my fav song and i starte to realize that im missing something in my life. im looking at all the things that i have a misfit family my career is coming close to me soon. then it hits me im alone in my love life. i dont hvae my rebel my rockstar that is as crazy and fun and cool as i am. i look back on a few of my relationships like brad brad radke i loved him alot i would have given my heart like really ripped it out to see him smile. then i dated two others to get over the fact of lossing brad and it hurt me alot i felt that i was giving my all. i may seem im pushing myself on a guy but im not. not really i mean when i say i love someone i fuckign mean it man. my heart is always on my fuckign sleeve. ive always gone full out to make sure that they are happy and that they are never hurt that is my illness with anyone.im the nurse in my family. i will be up your ass to make sure your ok and ill be like you ok you wanna talk about it do you want me to get you something? you know on and on. so as i end this journal i want to apologize to people that i have hurt. im not dead im just a phonix ive been reborn over my summer vacation i look different and i feel different.i have gotten skinnyer ive finally have my dream hair its black its fuckgin black lol.i still wear dark make up and cloths but ill dress speacil for the one im with and occassion. plus i got my junior year of homecoming this year at school and then i got prom so alot is coming my way lets hope i can find my rockstar before i go to my dream collage berklee. when i went to the collage for a tour i was talking to one of the students that goes there she was on her fourth year there an i told her what i do i take self pics of me and im very good as a model and i write twenty four seven and i write some good stuff and i play drums guitar both electric and acustic and im learnign to play bass this summer by the end im sure to be a pro i can play two real songs one is rush and the other is iron maiden the trooper. then i can play thriy of my songs on any instrument ive learn to play. anyway even if i was deaad my ashes would be at my fav place in the world salem mass and paris france. but im not im alive and living life to its fullest so anyway gonna go now and sleep. love you all xxxx